Reminiscin Blues

I hate goodbyes...

I hate it yet i had quite a number of experiences on it. Goodbyes vary. It depends on how and why you have to do it. But in any case, whether you're leaving your friends from a long time job or a partner because the relationship doesn't seem to work out anymore, whether you're left behind or the one walking out the door, goodbye seems so hard to do. It'll leave you with so much pain because you either hurt someone or hurt by someone.

How about goodbyes which were not uttered at all? It was not how we meant things to end...but goodbye caught us somewhere along the way.

Maybe it was the kind of goodbye i had with my closest friends in the past. Friends from childhood...teenage years...friends i shared history with....a long history at that. They are those i played dolls with, those who kept me company for long hours playing outdoor/street games, i.e. piko, patintero, taguan,football, tumbang preso, etc. They are the ones I grew up with...with whom I shared my secrets such as first crush, first love, first kiss and first heartache. They were there during my 7th and/or 18th birthdays. They were my friends..my childhood friends.

Somewhere along the way, as circumstances were rude, I or they had to leave...could be...to pursue a dream..or just plainly, live a different life.

There were no goodbyes said...nor promises made....but somehow we believed that no matter how much distance...our friendship survives.

Though i was wrong...i may have not been exactly right either...because somewhere in that distance, and the number of years we grew apart..a number of significant things and events happened to me and them..both joy and sorrow...i was not there for and with them...and i would have not known anything about theirs...i wasn't informed...i was out of the loop...and vice versa.

Now when i try to look back, i see a big gap...a gap thay may never be filled in...the gap consists of all the years we grew apart, the thousand miles that distanced us..the longing..the fear, that maybe we've totally lost the things we did share in common in the past...and sadness...that i may not know them anymore...