I AM BACK.........:)

Whow!!!! My last post was October 2, 2009. I just wonder where I was between then and now....LOL Well, I got super stranded in a 'LOVE" island in mid October that i started to lose interest in blogging. Not only that, when i felt like going back to share my POV on something i was highly interested in, I couldn't log in because i forgot which email i used and the PW, of course. Last week, I was feeling the same excitement and my memory failed me again. Too many accounts in different fora, sites, etc. Not to mention all the passwords i have to remember at work....whew!!! I just couldnt manage all of them anymore. And just when I have nothing to share, I just visited my blog and unconsciously logged in.............yes, obviously, successfully!!!!! Just when it actually took me some six months figuring out my username and password. All i needed was an unconscious me logging in. MEMORY FTW!!! So as not to waste this rare chance of a successful log in, let me share the note i posted in my FB account on Mother's Day :) Here goes....

THE GREATEST NAME I HAVE BEEN CALLED

I'm writing this with so much spontaneity as an after effect of today's occasion. I'm writing not even with a bit of bitterness. It's actually the opposite, it's pride and happiness which prompted me to start writing. A few years back, I thought what would life be after ______???? I knew i'd feel better...i knew i'd be happy...i never doubted that. But despite the assurance that i'd constantly give myself then, i also knew that i was living a not so guilt-free family life. During the early part of the past 8 years of my life, i'd blame myself for the kind of life i have made my children to content themselves with. The what ifs, what could have beens and i should haves would nag me every once in awhile. But what would that do? I couldn't be so depressed over the things and people that i lost because then i would have wasted the better things and people i have with me. As years passed and as hellos and goodbyes seemed to play their roles just fine, i have managed to live this life filled with roller coaster ride-like adventures. I have 3 children and i never treat them the same. They are 3 different individuals and so goes my 3 different treatments. My eldest is now 17 yet seems to still think like he's the youngest. His story is different and way tooooooo time consuming to share with you. But one thing for sure, it is with my eldest and not with the "fathers" of my children that i learned what the real meaning of "unconditional love" is. He taught me more than that, actually. He's been a good mentor for my anger management. He taught me tolerance, endurance and patience. We have our own love-hate relationship but i tell you we love each other very much and we have our share of wonderful moments too. My daughter is 11 years old. She's going to learn more about life sooner than we think. Am i ready? I don't even think about it. She knows every little mistake i made and all i wish and pray is that she learns from that. Friends say she looks and sounds like me but i think besides the physical similarities, we are opposites. She's a fine lady and forget about me. She's good with words and her emotions and yes, she's only 11. From her i learned how to forgive sooner than i thought. I don't remember how it happened. It's just that one day, i just realized that it's really freeing to see things through the eyes of a 6 year old, and i did just like that. It's uncomplicated, it has no motives and full of faith. My daughter always understands, she's always giving and she also knows how to defend her territory. My youngest is 8. If i were to rank them as who's the toughest, he'd be in front. He's very transparent. He's a cry baby and never is afraid to show his feelings. Whether he's happy or sad, it'd show...and makes him the toughest in my eyes because he's not afraid to show it. He always has a story to tell. Almost instantly, ask him to tell a story, he'd think of something out of the blue. With my youngest i learned the value of keeping your promises. We live in a very democratic home where everyone is free to voice out his/her opinion and not too many times, yet, i have been scolded by an 8 year old for not keeping my promises. Didn't i mention he's the toughest? I just admire his guts. Friends always say I must be really strong to endure a life such as mine. But the truth is, I NEVER WAS. It is ONLY because my children make me one. They learn from me in as much as i learn from them. It's a symbiotic relationship of lessons learned. I have learned to forgive myself in the process and was geared towards loving myself more. There's never a dull moment inside our house. And I'm not just talking about fun. I mean all kinds of emotions and yes, please include the tribulations, LOL. My children depend on me and i so am dependent on them. But our happiness, it's solely because we see things through the eyes of each other. I always tell them that we should never expect other people to make us happy. It is we who make our own happiness. People would always fall short of your expectations. So never ever expect others to do everything for you. And for the simple and yet complicated, no matter how ironic it may sound, life we lead, guilt still visits once in a while. But who has not been visited by G? TELL ME!!! "MOMMY" IS JUST THE GREATEST NAME I HAVE BEEN CALLED...AND THAT'S FOR THE PAST 17 YEARS.....HAPPY MOM'S DAY TO ALL THE MOTHERS....:)